In an earlier post, I lamented about the limits of words, sentences, and grammar, and how I feel that, at specific moments or in certain instances, classical music or the lyrics of a song are actually more useful methods of conveying emotions.
This is one of those moments, and I feel as though I've been suspended in this moment for several days now. I don't even think I possess the tools necessary for explaining my own emotions to myself, something that is both scary and strangely intoxicating. [I am intentionally being vague, so please excuse me for this, but] I honestly don't even fully comprehend what is happening to me in my own life. I have a vague cognizance of an active present and a potential future, but something hinders me from probing deeper, as though I am purposefully being held on the edge of a roof, perilously close to either falling or leaping off.
Captured, this moment inspires us.
I think clarification will eventually come to you who so desire it, but for now--perhaps I am only being ambiguous in order to protect myself. The Cloud of Unknowing has a certain appeal, and for the time being I will crawl inside this cloud and take up residence, although it is only temporary.
This was a good read - I dig it. I don't think that you're alone in this regard, either. Being is a strange thing indeed. Is there a particular song you have in mind that best expresses your current state?
ReplyDeleteAs someone who has always wanted to be a writer (really the one constant in my ever-cycling queue of interests and career-hopes), I feel an instinctive impulse to defend the versatility and power of writing. Listening to [explain] as I write this though, my defensiveness is rather instantly quelled.
ReplyDeleteAs for your current cloud of unknowing: does your desire to remain in the cloud prevent you from discerning what it is that is preventing you from probing your feelings deeper? Do you have any fear that, as your feelings are illuminated and become more expressible (at least to yourself), your current intoxication will dissipate along with your unknowing?
Sean, I do not fear that at all. What I'm perhaps most concerned about is that the more conscious I am of these feelings, the more vulnerable I will feel because of them.
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